Germany Doesn't Suck

(Alternate title: ‘I seem to have been in a major auto accident Tuesday evening.’)

I’m fine, so you don’t need to ask.

After all, how could I be hurt when I was parallel parking at a speed much slower than walking?

While I was doing so, a guy came out of the shop I was parking in front of, glared at me and ran back into the shop. At that time I didn’t realize that until an older woman came out of the shop flailing her arms at me violently (it soon became apparent that it wasn’t even her car).

I got out of the car.

CrazyWoman [yelling loudly and still flailing her arms]: ‘YOU JUST CAUSED AN ACCIDENT!’
J: ‘I did?’
CW [still yelling loudly]: ‘YES, YOU JUST BACKED INTO THAT CAR.!’
J: ‘Did I?’
CW [still yelling loudly]: ‘IT’S AN ACCIDENT! YOU BACKED INTO THEM!’
J: ‘Sorry, I thought I had enough room. The car was only rolling, so if I did, I barely touched it. It’s like me accidentally touching your hand in a crowd.’

*I bring her to the back of the car I was driving and the front of the other (which are not touching) [not that it matters, but the car was about a 15 year old beat up Golf]*

J: ‘There’s no damage to either car.
CW [still yelling loudly]: ‘YOU HIT THE OTHER CAR. I’M CALLING THE POLICE, FOREIGNER!!!!’

*She detected by my accent (and questionable grammar when I’m being yelled at so unnervingly) when I speak German that I wasn’t German*

CW goes back into her shop and I follow her.

CW: [yelling louder]: DO YOU WANT TO CALL THE POLICE OR SHOULD I?’
J: ‘It’s not an accident. If I touched it, I barely did and there’s no damage. An accident is when there’s at least a little bit of damage, not when bumpers just touch.”
CW: [still yelling louder]: IT’S AN ACCIDENT! WE HAVE TO CALL THE POLICE! NOW!
J [slightly louder, but far from yelling]: There’s no reason to call them.’
CW [yelling even louder]: ‘WE HAVE TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’
J: ‘There’s no damage, so there’s no reason to.’

I had been told by friends who have been in accidents that the police get annoyed for being called for no reason.

CW gives me the German Fuck Off Sigh.

I give CW the German Fuck Off Sigh

We stare at each other.

CW: ‘YOU HIT THE CAR!!!! IT’S AN ACCIDENT!!!!!’
J: ‘In my country an accident causes damage.’
CW: ‘THIS ISN’T YOUR COUNTRY, FOREIGNER, THIS IS GERMANY!!!!!!! IT’S AN ACCIDENT HERE!!!!!”

We stare at each other again.

J: ‘It’s not necessary to call the police. Not damage has been done to either car.’
CW [still yelling]: THEN WRITE DOWN YOUR NAME AND ADDRESS AND LEAVE IT ON THE WINDSHIELD!!!!!
J: No problem.

I write it and leave it on the windshield, move the car and find a parking space about .5 km away (I needed it the following morning).

Quite unnerved (which tends to happen to me when I’m yelled at so violently), I called Boss (it’s a school car).

J: ‘Apparently I was in a bad car accident.’
Boss: ‘Oh?
J: ‘Yes.’

*I relay the above*

Boss: ‘You have nothing to worry about.’
J: ‘I have digital photos of the cars to prove that no damage was caused.’
Boss: ‘Good, but you don’t need them.’
J: ‘That’s it?’
Boss: ‘Yes. If anything becomes of it [with a 'which it won't' tone of voice], the complaint will go to me and I’ll take care of it.’
J: ‘Thanks.
Boss: ‘You’re welcome.’

What this reminded me of was a situation I heard last month. While I was walking from the supermarket to the car (we’re allowed to stop at the supermarket if it’s between the in-company class and the school), I heard two women yelling at each other. One was the driver of the car parked next to mine and the other was the car parked parallel to both and blocking both in. Apparently one had dinged the other and the two women had nothing better to do than yell at each other until they realized that I wanted to get one of the cars behind the parallel one out, so she moved it into a parking space. Then, the driver of the car parked next to mine ran over to her and they continued yelling at each other.

So, apparently if you’re in a car accident, the best solution is to yell loudly at the other party involved instead of discussing it calmly and rationally.

How odd.